Absolute Hunger.
Look. There comes a time in a person's life where you feel the need to eat something weird. Accept it. You always had the urge, whether it be paper, or parakeet. So, today, we shall be relinquishing your urges... WITH FERAL(I never knew Sir Percival was feral-Sir Lancelot) ANIMAL RECIPES!!! Common. Affordable. Cheap. Delicious.(And desirable vengeance for blood-thirsty revenge to kill. Kill. Kill. KILL!!)
P.S: I, Sir Lancelot did not write the recipe for Roast Cat but Sir Percival. And yeah, it was me who wrote the following recipe about Sir Percival.
Roast Cat
A warm, delicious cat will chill the souls of cat and RSPCA alike. It is a heartwarming dish in these cold times. Purrfect for the whole family!
Serves 4 fully grown people, 2 really hungry people, or 1 cannibalistic cat.
Ingredients
P.S: I, Sir Lancelot did not write the recipe for Roast Cat but Sir Percival. And yeah, it was me who wrote the following recipe about Sir Percival.
Roast Cat
A warm, delicious cat will chill the souls of cat and RSPCA alike. It is a heartwarming dish in these cold times. Purrfect for the whole family!
Serves 4 fully grown people, 2 really hungry people, or 1 cannibalistic cat.
Ingredients
- 1 cat
- 1 tsp pepper
- 1 tsp salt
- spices/ flavourings/ paper shavings(your choice)
- A cutting tool(a chainsaw works best, but if you do not have one, a kitchen knife will do, and is also less noisy, so the neighbours won't be alerted that your cooking a feastful feline)
- A baking tray
- Catch your cat. If you are not bothered, use your pet cat.
- Kill the cat, slit its neck to let the blood run. You don't want to be feasting on blood, it ruins the fun.
- Skin it. Keep the skin for combining with other skins to make a fur rug.
- Wash the cat and remove the remnants of hair.
Roast Sir Percival
A one-shot pure evil payback to our local cat hater. - Love, Sir Lancelot
Serves all who wish to avenge their loved ones;in other words cats
Ingredients and Cooking ware:
Method
Serves all who wish to avenge their loved ones;in other words cats
Ingredients and Cooking ware:
- -Sir Percival
- - An oven
- - A potato peeler(potatoes? No, no, we are not using potatoes. You'll see)
- - A few plates for serving with a major tray
- - Something to kill Sir Percival with(something like a kitchen knife can even hurt the defenseless and sorry Sir Percival. MWAHAHAHAAA!)
- And don't forget the one, the only... FUGI APPLE!!!
Method
- Set oven to the highest temperature it can reach. (You want the best results for this dish because this is a one in life chance to kill the ONE Sir Percival)
- Pop around at Sir Percival's house and kindly ask to play something outside.
- When Sir Percival is coming to a conclusion of roasting the backyard cat take your weapon and savagely attack him.
- Stab, stab, stab, stab, STAAAAAAAB!!
- Sir Percival should be dead now. His body SHOULDN'T be covered in blood.
- If it is than grab a potato peeler and skin him. (You can use his skin bag as a luxurious red skin rug)
- Throw Sir Percival's WHOLE body in the searing oven and wait for around two minutes.
- When there is a crackling sound, you know Sir Percival's soul has finally left the body. Pull on some kitchen mittens or ask an adult who permits this whole thing(safety first! ^_^)
- Take out the SAME weapon you used to kill Sir Percival (if you used a fork that's so much better; you'll need it for eating)
- Grab a few serving plates and serve Sir Percival's corpse from the tray with an apple in his mouth.
- Call in your fellow avengers and feast for this is the one and only time you'll ever get to kill him(he can't die twice).
Roast Robin
Roast Robin is perfect for a small fun-sized snack that is so easy to cook, you'll have a plateful of them in no time. Its just the hunting that's sadly the hard part. If you are bred to have high speed physical and mental reactions then you'll manage to catch a few tiny featherballs with a rifle. Luckily robins AND rifles are both present in America so you need not worry about the law. All you have to do is avoid getting caught by the police with blood all over your butcher apron(very important to wear; make sure after slaughtering use, dispose well). Supposedly you caught a few with bare hands and you don't know how to kill the little fella? Easy, just twist its head and break the neck and the bird will move hopelessly about until it lays dead in your hands. Totally an anti-blood method of dealing with them. Still it's fun to shoot them also. ;)
Ingredients and Utensils
Ingredients and Utensils
- an oven (very obvious)
- a rifle (also very obvious and daring)
- a few of your favourite spices (optional)
- Hunt the robins with relish, your preferred way.
- Get your caught prey and peel off the skin to save you the de-feathering method. (perhaps use the recycled feathered skin as a Barbie doll cloak)
- Put them altogether on an oven tray and add your spices and herbs if you want.
- Shove the plate in the oven and let it roast until there is that smell and sound of sizzling robin, the cue to take it out after the sizzling dies away.
- Serve well and eat.